I know I’ve been neglecting you. I just haven’t got much to say.
Actually, that’s not true. I have much to say, just none of it I can say here. Let’s run down some topics, shall we?
*Work (i.e. day to day): I can’t talk about what’s really going on. I WON’T talk about it. I refuse to think about it outside of when I’m actually at work these days.
*Career: going swimmingly. Really. I’ve been achieving a lot of goals recently that I had set as “sometime in the future” goals. As in, I never expected to achieve them already. I’m young, and I know it. The struggle now is accepting the positive reinforcement and accolades from colleagues and believing I can actually succeed now that I am where I am career wise (i.e. silencing the “don’t f*ck it up” voice in my head).
*Dating: MEH. Just a big ol’ MEH. Online dating sucks. It really does. It’s going nowhere. It’s to the point that lately I can’t even muster the energy or interest to log in and check my account. I contact people, they don’t respond. Meanwhile, those that do contact me obviously haven’t even read my profile.
*Philly: I’ve been here for 4 years now. FOUR YEARS. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t love Philly, and never will. Some (most?) days I don’t even like Philly. I just don’t feel at home here. I feel like I’m a half step off from the rest of the city. Like I’m out of sync.
*General: Lately I feel like I’m just passing the time, keeping myself busy. Cooking. Doing counted cross stitch. Reading. Hanging out on the balcony with my cat. Listening to the radio. Just functioning on a day to day basis. Trying to keep myself from dwelling on the negative (’cause there’s a lot of it). Trying to accept that this is how things are for me right now and hope that things will change for the better sometime soon. Trying to believe that something has to give. The universe has got to throw me a bone soon. Some days are definitely better than others. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and taking one day at time.
So that’s that. Not much I can or want to talk about. So, blog, my apologies for the neglect, but for now, that’s just the way it’s gonna be.