Neglect

Dear blog,

I know I’ve been neglecting you. I just haven’t got much to say.

Actually, that’s not true. I have much to say, just none of it I can say here. Let’s run down some topics, shall we?

*Work (i.e. day to day): I can’t talk about what’s really going on. I WON’T talk about it. I refuse to think about it outside of when I’m actually at work these days.

*Career: going swimmingly. Really. I’ve been achieving a lot of goals recently that I had set as “sometime in the future” goals. As in, I never expected to achieve them already. I’m young, and I know it. The struggle now is accepting the positive reinforcement and accolades from colleagues and believing I can actually succeed now that I am where I am career wise (i.e. silencing the “don’t f*ck it up” voice in my head).

*Dating: MEH. Just a big ol’ MEH. Online dating sucks. It really does. It’s going nowhere. It’s to the point that lately I can’t even muster the energy or interest to log in and check my account. I contact people, they don’t respond. Meanwhile, those that do contact me obviously haven’t even read my profile.

*Philly: I’ve been here for 4 years now. FOUR YEARS. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t love Philly, and never will. Some (most?) days I don’t even like Philly. I just don’t feel at home here. I feel like I’m a half step off from the rest of the city. Like I’m out of sync.

*General: Lately I feel like I’m just passing the time, keeping myself busy. Cooking. Doing counted cross stitch. Reading. Hanging out on the balcony with my cat. Listening to the radio. Just functioning on a day to day basis. Trying to keep myself from dwelling on the negative (’cause there’s a lot of it). Trying to accept that this is how things are for me right now and hope that things will change for the better sometime soon. Trying to believe that something has to give. The universe has got to throw me a bone soon. Some days are definitely better than others. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and taking one day at time.

So that’s that. Not much I can or want to talk about. So, blog, my apologies for the neglect, but for now, that’s just the way it’s gonna be.

Love,
Me

Advertisements

About slmcdanold

I’m learning to laugh at myself on a daily basis. I’m a librarian (cataloger) and I love it. My job involves all things metadata related in any and all formats. I have been known to cause a ruckus when necessary (aka troublesome cataloger) and make no apologies for it. I have a passion for continuing education and teaching. I’m a newbie coder (still learning). I like to cook. I’m a fan of rugby (go Australian Wallabies!) and ice hockey (go Detroit Red Wings!). I’m car-free and bike/walk a lot. I’m learning to love running one stride at a time. I own (and love) a very mouthy cat with a punk attitude and a slightly neurotic rescue mutt.
This entry was posted in life. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Neglect

  1. Anonymous says:

    You sound like a very unhappy person. Dare I say miserable? It probably has nothing to do with the fact that you live in Philly either. My guess is that you'll probably be unhappy wherever you live… BTW, I lived in Philly from 1999 to 2006. Which was WAY better than Columbus, Ohio…

  2. Shana Lee says:

    Actually, Anonymous, I'm NOT an unhappy person in general. I'm going through a VERY unhappy/miserable period in my life, but overall, no, I'm not a miserable person.I've also moved enough to know when I fit in a city and when I do not. For me, Philly is not a good fit. You apparently didn't/don't fit in Columbus. So YES, Philly is part of the problem. After 4 years of trying to make it work here I can confidently say that Philly is not a good fit for me and is very much part of my current problems.

  3. Rahul Sharma says:

    hey i like your humor though the context here would make it sound ironical but thats what is life all about. As it happens to me all the time when i am reading posts is that i try to visuallise the writer with the info they state in the profile. I like the library thing which you do. Your current predicament is what will make you a different chemical altogether and that is what is individuality all about. Thanks for giving me a smile and ya dont bother with the reason. happy 7th november!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s