And dude-with-potential goes down in FLAMES

So, remember those personality quirks I mentioned that were annoyances? The ones that were sitting in the back of my head and kind of poking at me that something wasn’t quite right? Well, my instincts were right. I really need to remember to listen to them more often.

At any rate, turns out those little annoyances pointed to something much bigger and much more serious. A perpetual victim (see also victim playing), complete with anger issues, among other issues that came to light. Victims are those people that blame everyone else for their problems, and take no responsibility for themselves, their lives, or their actions (past or present). Victims generally think that everything wrong in their life is someone else’s fault or society’s fault as a whole. They see themselves as victims of great injustice.

I discovered over the course of several conversations that he has absolutely no awareness or understanding of the concept of the upper-middle class white heterosexual male privilege that he grew up with and still has as a matter of course. Instead he feels justified in complaining about anything and everything and blaming the world for the fact that his life isn’t just perfectly the way he wants it. And yet he does pretty much nothing to improve himself or change his not-perfect life. He’s perfectly content blaming the world for his unhappiness.

Victims are also often (although not always) angry about the injustice(s) they face. And in this case he is angry enough that I was flinching and cringing internally at the vitriol he was spewing as my date went off about yet another way his life sucks because of someone else. He has some serious and slightly scary anger issues.

I will not date another perpetual victim nor will I live with that kind of anger in my life. You don’t like your life? Well then change it. The only person that can change/control your life is YOU. The world doesn’t owe you anything. Here’s the world’s tiniest violin, now go grow up and get a pair. I’m not going to try and rescue you or fix your life for you. Nor am I going to stick around and listen to you complain and then turn your attacks on me for calling you out on your victim behavior and anger issues.

So I’m walking away and diving back into the dating pool. Moving on.

[Side note: Hooray for personal growth and ending unhealthy patterns in my own relationship behaviors!]

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About slmcdanold

I’m learning to laugh at myself on a daily basis. I’m a librarian (cataloger) and I love it. My job involves all things metadata related in any and all formats. I have been known to cause a ruckus when necessary (aka troublesome cataloger) and make no apologies for it. I have a passion for continuing education and teaching. I’m a newbie coder (still learning). I like to cook. I’m a fan of rugby (go Australian Wallabies!) and ice hockey (go Detroit Red Wings!). I’m car-free and bike/walk a lot. I’m learning to love running one stride at a time. I own (and love) a very mouthy cat with a punk attitude and a slightly neurotic rescue mutt.
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2 Responses to And dude-with-potential goes down in FLAMES

  1. Clark says:

    Ah, the perpetual victim. I have some friends who are that. It's funny that the white-middle class-and more adjectives here-male is that class in America. In India, it's just rich kids.Anyhoo, I'm quite happy with my status as non-recognized racial minority who counts as white upper middle class-add more adjectives here- male. It's everyone else's fault that my life is so awesome. Maybe I can give some back…Jump on back into that dating pool, take along some goggles, and make sure no water gets stuck in your ears.

  2. Hooray for your side note – keep moving on!

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