Oh where oh where can it be?
Has anyone seen my patience lately? Anyone?
Normally I’m a very patient person. I can deal with bullsh*t for hours on end, sometimes weeks, without losing it. I roll with the punches and adapt. I can cut people an enormous amount of slack. This week, however, that is NOT the case. I have no patience. Things I might normally be able to just ignore are irritating me to no end this week. I can’t be troubled to pussyfoot around and dress things up nicely so they don’t upset people. I can’t be troubled to just deal with things. I have no patience for anyone or anything. On more than one occasion this week I’ve thought about how nice it would be to be able to reach through the computer and smack some sense into people. I’m tired, I’m a bit on the cranky side, and frankly I really just don’t care. I’m all for calling people out on the carpet for their bullsh*t, no matter if it upsets them or not. I’m going to speak my mind, consequences apparently be dammed.
I may have caused some damage to a friendship that was already a bit tenuous at best, but I wasn’t going to let the person play revisionist history and heap guilt on me. So I called them out for their bullsh*t and put my foot down. If they can’t take it, well, I’m done coddling them and playing nice. I refuse to be walked over any longer or waste my time trying not to upset them instead of being honest and telling it like it is. No patience for the pussyfooting around anymore. None.
Now, I realize that this is not necessarily a good thing in all situations. For some, like with the individual in question above, I think it’s a good thing. It’s not my problem if they can’t handle blunt honesty from me at this point as trying to be nice about it was obviously a waste of my time. I’m not being mean (admittedly, they may disagree), nor do I want to be mean, but I’m not going to spend my time being patient and nice anymore. I have better things to do with my time. But I know that it’s not necessarily appropriate in all situations, such as work.
Unfortunately, since my patience is currently missing, it’s taking a lot of extra effort on my part to make sure I don’t cross that line, which is partly why I’m so tired. On more than a few occasions this week I’ve had to rewrite entire emails several times to remove the snarkiness and so I didn’t end up just sounding mean. Because I’m really not a mean person and I don’t want to be mean. I also don’t want to commit career suicide or piss people off when it can (or should) be avoided.
I still subscribe to the belief that each person has to live their own life, and it’s not my place to tell them what that life should or should not be. I respect people’s feelings and perspectives/opinions. To each their own. But I just don’t have the patience anymore when it affects me and my life. I don’t have the patience when it makes a friendship extra work and I spend time worrying about upsetting them and I don’t say what I believe/feel because of it. I’m not going to let them get away with obvious bullsh*t.
My best friend congratulated me on growing a spine and standing up for myself and what I’m feeling. She reminded me that if they’re truly my friend, they’ll love me anyway and know that I wouldn’t say anything just to hurt them or just to be mean. I’m honest because they need to know that their behavior is affecting others (including me), or that their behavior is inappropriate or harmful to themselves, and they should hear it from a friend who really does care about them as an individual and truly honestly just wants them to be happy. But I’m also not going to put up with their crap as it’s just too much work anymore. I don’t have the patience for it.
Still, if you see my patience, please send it back this way. And soon. I promise, I’ve learned when it’s appropriate to use that patience (work), and when to grow that spine.