Realizations

It’s March. When did March happen? My birthday is this month…am I ready for another birthday?

What’s more, I’ve been here in Philly for six months now. Six months. Wow. And in looking back over the previous 6 months I’ve come to a few realizations.

1. I am SO not ready to date

I hate to disappoint you all, but I’m not ready to climb back on the tilt-a-whirl that is dating. How do I know this? I’ve been on a few dates in the past 2 months. I had a good time. Met some people I’d like to get to know better, and been contacted by a few I hope to never hear from again. A recent example of the latter was a very nice person that spent 3 lines of the 5 line message they sent me talking about their love of monkeys. O-kaayyy. You go with your future zoo keeper self…just as long as you are far far away from me.

Back to the dates. Like I said, I had a good time. But I apparently still have a few issues to work through from my most recent “train wreck disguised as a relationship.” Anytime my date did or said anything that even remotely reminded me of my ex, even though intellectually I know my date wasn’t being my ex and that they aren’t my ex, my brain went into overdrive and “OMG my ex said/did that and oh, sh*t what if this person ends up being just like my ex and I end up in another disaster-laden relationship for over a year??” panic messages would start playing on repeat in my brain. Yeah. And it could be the littlest thing my date said that intellectually I knew meant nothing, but I was analyzing everything (apparently) unconsciously looking for evidence that my date may be just like my ex. Oh boy. I need help.

So I’m not ready to date yet. Must work through my personal issues first so I don’t fall back into the same patterns that have led me into bad relationships in the past. I see the big neon flashing sign that I’m not ready for the reality of dating. I get it. Thanks. I like the idea of dating…but the reality of it is a bit much for now.

There are exceptions to this (every rule has it’s exception, see your primary school grammar book for proof).
— If the person I’ve had a “thing” for (developed from crush to genuine attraction and yes, I do really care about this person) the past 3 or so years manages to pull their head out of their butt and things between us become a possibility, I might consider dating them. They know about my issues, they’ve been my friend through it and still like me anyway. And I still like them despite the fact they’ve been living with their head up their butt for some time now. I think it’s is a good thing that we like each other no matter what. OK, “consider” is a lie. I’d probably go for it. After lots of agonizing, of course.
— And Trent Reznor (of Nine Inch Nails, my favorite band EVER), if you are magically available and interested in dating me, call me. Seriously. Just call.

2. I still like my job

I still like the job that brought me to Philly. No regrets about taking it and moving here. I’m busy and have lots of projects I’m juggling, but it’s all good stuff. Generally I’m not feeling overwhelmed or like I might not be able to do this or like I have a lot still to learn to be able to do my job. I feel capable of doing my job and like I’m in the right place to stretch and develop professionally. I still have things to learn, but that’s what keeps me interested, the challenge and drive to keep learning in the ever-evolving world of librarianship and cataloging. So much change happening in my field (and in librarianship in general), and so much to keep on top of, especially with the addition of local projects and implementations, but it’s all exciting and I’m not feeling buried by it all. I’m still involved in things on a national level, and feel that I’m making good connections there too.

So I still like my job. And my decision to leave my previous place of employment was confirmed by some recent decisions made by management there that are, in my opinion, ethically questionable and have upset a lot of people. Not to mention admin is trying to spin it so it doesn’t sound as bad as it is…but I don’t think many people are buying into the spin. To borrow a phrase from my best friend (who comes up with the best descriptive statements for things!):

Old job = insane asylum for the criminally manipulative

‘Nuff said. I’m glad I’m not still there.

So overall, things in Philly are good. I still need a social life, but I’ve only been here for 6 months, so I feel I’m “on track” so to speak. I’m (slowly) making some friends. My home office is currently back in boxes ’cause I’m getting new carpet in there and my bedroom, which is a good thing, but unfortunately not without some drama in the process. I have a routine. More importantly, Aussie (my baby dog) has adjusted to the new routine and environment just fine. Riding my bike to work (weather permitting) and being in a lower-stress environment overall has been good for my physical health, and bonus, I’m in much better shape and have lost some weight that I needed to lose. So in general, I’d say the scale is leaning in the “life is good” direction, minus daily dramas, of course, but we all have those despite our best laid plans and intentions, so I can live with them just fine.

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About slmcdanold

I’m learning to laugh at myself on a daily basis. I’m a librarian (cataloger) and I love it. My job involves all things metadata related in any and all formats. I have been known to cause a ruckus when necessary (aka troublesome cataloger) and make no apologies for it. I have a passion for continuing education and teaching. I’m a newbie coder (still learning). I like to cook. I’m a fan of rugby (go Australian Wallabies!) and ice hockey (go Detroit Red Wings!). I’m car-free and bike/walk a lot. I’m learning to love running one stride at a time. I own (and love) a very mouthy cat with a punk attitude and a slightly neurotic rescue mutt.
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